Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
