I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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