I just made out with a guy for $7.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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