I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
