You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
