You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
