yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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