your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You made out with two different species that night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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