Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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