Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
