Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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