My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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