I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just high enough for therapy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
