Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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