yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
