apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
