Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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