I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
