Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
