that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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