You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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