My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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