I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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