Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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