Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
