lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
