Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Girls should come with a carfax report
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
