It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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