Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
