No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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