you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
