btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
