Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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