Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
