You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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