is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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