I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Be still, my beating vagina.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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