someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
