I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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