Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
