At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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