so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
