you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I want her autograph on my taint
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just pee around me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize