I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
