Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
