i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
