so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
