i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
