apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
