it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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