Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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