Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
