watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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