do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
