sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
