did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
