Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
me + whiskey = a bad person
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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