Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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