You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
