Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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