me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
