Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
