Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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