shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
