Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
