Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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