THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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