You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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