I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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