You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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