Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
