Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
