then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
