i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
