The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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