My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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