I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
