Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
